4 Tips For Building Healthy Communication With Your Partner
Healthy communication is KEY to healthy relationships because it allows couples to build trust, understanding, and mutual respect for another.
Whether you’re new to your relationship or you have been with your partner for years, it is important to build and maintain healthy communication habits in order to keep your relationship thriving.
In this blog, we will be exploring some tips and tricks for building healthier communication with your partner, so you can deepen your connection and create a stronger foundation for your relationship.
4 Tips For Healthy Communication For Couples
One of the biggest challenges in any relationship is learning how to communicate effectively. We often assume that our partner knows what we want or need, but the reality is that effective communication requires effort, intention, and...practice!
You can’t read your partner's mind and they can’t read yours, so it’s crucial that you develop habits that create space for feelings, emotions, and thoughts to be communicated openly and effectively.
Here are 4 key tips to start improving communication with your partner today.
1) Use ‘I’ Statements When Expressing How You Feel
Now I know this may seem cliche… but there’s a reason “I” statements are seen as the golden rule to healthy communication!
When communicating how you feel, especially in the heat of the moment, it can be tempting to say things like “You make me feel this” or “You never do that” to your partner. But let’s be real, that’s not going to get you anywhere and may even leave you in a worse place than where you started.
The reality is that it’s not up to you to tell your partner how or what they are feeling, and communicating your feelings in a way that shifts blame onto your partner isn’t going to be productive at addressing the real problem. Instead, try using “I” statements in order to communicate your own feelings in a compassionate way without placing any accusations elsewhere.
Here are some examples:
Instead of saying: “You never listen to me,” try saying: “I feel unheard when I’m talking to you and you’re looking at your phone”
Instead of saying: “You always forget to call me,” try saying: “I feel hurt when you forget to call me when you’re running late”
Instead of saying: “You’re so selfish for not wanting to come to my event,” try saying: “I feel disappointed when you don’t come to events that are important to me.”
Remember, it’s you and your partner against the problem, not you against your partner.
2) Set Aside Dedicated Time To Talk With Your Partner
Life can get hectic at times and it’s easy to let those important conversations slip through the cracks!
Setting aside dedicated time to talk to your partner helps to ensure that communication doesn’t get lost among our day to day responsibilities and that you are having conversations when you aren’t rushed or distracted.
Start by picking out one time each week where you and your partner can commit to being present and engaged in talking, listening, and connecting with each other. This could be done while taking a walk together, enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning, or even just laying in bed after putting the kids to sleep. Find a time that works best for you and your partner and add it to your schedule just as you would with any other meeting, appointment, or activity of importance.
3) SHOW Your Partner That You Are Listening
You’ve probably heard many times that it’s important to be an “active listener,” but let’s talk about what active listening actually means.
Being an active listener is more than just hearing the words that someone is saying; it means truly engaging with them and showing that you care.
Here are a few ways you can do this:
Make eye contact while they are speaking
Put away or turn off any distractions like your phone, tv, etc.
Nod and use other non-verbal cues such as smiling, laughing, or frowning
Ask open ended questions that encourage your partner to elaborate
Paraphrase what your partner said by summarizing their thoughts back to them
4) Seek To Understand Your Partner’s Perspective
In any relationship, it's common to have disagreements or differing opinions, and it can be tempting to shut down or argue your point of view when your partner expresses something you don't agree with.
Rather than focusing on whose perspective is “right” and whose is “wrong,” try to focus on understanding why eachother has the perspective that you do.
Are there certain experiences that have led them to think or feel a certain way about something? Are there underlying feelings and emotions that impact their way of thinking? Are there any assumptions, biases, or societal pressures that are contributing to their viewpoint?
By seeking to understand your partner's perspective, you are showing them that you value their thoughts and feelings, even if you don’t agree with them, and you open up room for new insights and solutions that may not have been considered.
Remember, seeking to understand your partner's viewpoint does not mean that you have to abandon your own beliefs or values. It's possible to hold different perspectives while still respecting and valuing each other's opinions.
Couples Therapy In Missouri and Kansas
If you and your partner are struggling to communicate in a way that’s healthy and effective, working with a therapist can be a great way to start building and implementing better communication habits in your relationship.
For additional support navigating conflict and communication challenges with your partner, schedule an appointment by calling 913.735.9226 or emailing me at shannon@newnarrativetherapy.org
